At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
