we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
