u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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