Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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