Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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