There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
