Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
