Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
