Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
