You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
