And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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