I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
