Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Sober January is a disaster.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
