I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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