Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
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You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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