Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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