just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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