We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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