Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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