If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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