I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
