I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up under a house in Key West
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
