i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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