I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
