some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
