I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
