Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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