i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
high people should be assigned attendants
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
