for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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