Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
