carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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