Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
