at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
