There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
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It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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