I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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