You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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