Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We don't watch enough power rangers
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
