that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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