The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
