he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
