dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
