I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
