Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
