Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
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I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
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I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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