My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
