Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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