Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
