someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
