so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
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