i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
