Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How does one acquire holy water?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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