when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
