omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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