Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
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Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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