I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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