If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
