i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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