Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
