They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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